Funny Difference Between Women And Men

Money

Men:
- A Man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

Woman:
- A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but is on sale.
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Bathrooms

Men:
- A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, shampoo, soap and a towel.

Woman:
- The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items
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Men vs Women On Holiday
Keeping up with the online world
Men:
Does the hotel have WiFi? Even on holidays it's difficult to completely disengage from the outside world.
Women:
Generally very happy to leave the online world behind. Work? They'll cope.
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Arguments

Woman:
- A woman has the last word in any argument.

Men:
- Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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Nicknames

Woman:
- If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

Men:
- If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.
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Success

Men:
- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

Woman:
- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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Dressing Up

Woman:
- A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

Men:
- A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
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Friendship Between Woman:

A woman didn't come home one night.
The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship Between Men:

A man didn't come home one night.
The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
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Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
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Withdrawing Cash From An ATM

Men:
1 - Park the car
2 - Go to ATM
3 - Insert card
4 - Enter PIN
5 - Take money
6 - Drive away

Woman:
1 - Park the car
2 - Check makeup
3 - Turn off engine
4 - Check makeup
5 - Go to ATM
6 - Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7 - Insert card
8 - Hit cancel
9 - Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10 - Insert card
11 - Enter PIN
12 - Take cash
13 - Go to car
14 - Check makeup
15 - Start Car
16 - Stop car
17 - Run back 2 ATM
18 - Take ATM card
19 - Back 2 car
20 - Check makeup
21 - Start car
22 - Check makeup
23 - Drive for a mile
24 - Release HAND BRAKE

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Random Funny Difference Between Women And Men:


Arguments

Woman:
- A woman has the last word in any argument.

Men:
- Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

Men forget everything; women remember everything.
That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.

Nicknames

Woman:
- If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

Men:
- If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.

The Woman's Dictionary

* Yes = No.
* No = Yes.
* Maybe = No.
* I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.
* We need = I want.
* It's your decision = My correct decision should be obvious by now.
* Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
* We need to talk = I need to complain.
* Sure go ahead = I don't want you to.
* I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron.
* This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
* I want new curtains = carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper.
* I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
* Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
* How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate.
* I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
* You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
* Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.

MENíS ENGLISH

1. I am hungry - I am hungry
2. I am sleepy - I am sleepy
3. I am tired - I am tired
4. Nice dress - Nice cleavage!
5. I love you - letís have sex now
6. I am bored - Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? - Iíd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? - Iíd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? - Iíd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? - Iíd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes donít go with that outfit - Iím gay

Men vs Women On Holiday
Say something romantic
Men:
Away from the daily stress of work, men are more inclined to evolve into the most romantic of creatures.
Women:
The veil of romance descends the moment she steps on the plane. High expectations of attentiveness and conversation emerge.

Money

Men:
- A Man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

Woman:
- A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but is on sale.

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

Marriage

Woman:
- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

Men:
- A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

Men vs Women On Holiday
Coming home
Men:
Post-holiday blues sets in, with bags open but not unpacked for days, either not wanting to let go or hoping she will unpack for him.
Women:
Sad it's over but the routine machine fires up, every purchase is displayed and trip detail shared with friends. Time to start planning the next trip.