Funny Texts | Funny Difference Between Women And Men

Money

Men:
- A Man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

Woman:
- A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but is on sale.
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Men vs Women On Holiday
Keeping up with the online world
Men:
Does the hotel have WiFi? Even on holidays it's difficult to completely disengage from the outside world.
Women:
Generally very happy to leave the online world behind. Work? They'll cope.
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Nicknames

Woman:
- If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

Men:
- If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.
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Eating Out

Men:
- When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

Woman:
- When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
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Bathrooms

Men:
- A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, shampoo, soap and a towel.

Woman:
- The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items
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Arguments

Woman:
- A woman has the last word in any argument.

Men:
- Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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Future

Woman:
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

Men:
- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
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Success

Men:
- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

Woman:
- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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Marriage

Woman:
- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

Men:
- A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
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Dressing Up

Woman:
- A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

Men:
- A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
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Random Funny Difference Between Women And Men:


Dressing Up

Woman:
- A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

Men:
- A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great."
Mitch: "Thanks"
On the other side: "Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting."

Men forget everything; women remember everything.
That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.

Future

Woman:
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

Men:
- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

Success

Men:
- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

Woman:
- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

How to Impress a Woman

Compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....

How to Impress a Man

Show up naked
Bring beer

Eating Out

Men:
- When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

Woman:
- When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

Thought of the Day

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Bathrooms

Men:
- A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, shampoo, soap and a towel.

Woman:
- The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
When four or more women get together, they talk about men.



Top 5 One-Liners:

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I had to do it only three times a week. This every-day thing is overkill.
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
Love is like a machine... sometimes you need a good screw to fix it.
Apple should make a sarcasm font and call it the iRoll.