Funny Texts | Funny Difference Between Women And Men

Money

Men:
- A Man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

Woman:
- A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but is on sale.
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Bathrooms

Men:
- A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, shampoo, soap and a towel.

Woman:
- The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items
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Men vs Women On Holiday
Keeping up with the online world
Men:
Does the hotel have WiFi? Even on holidays it's difficult to completely disengage from the outside world.
Women:
Generally very happy to leave the online world behind. Work? They'll cope.
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Nicknames

Woman:
- If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

Men:
- If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.
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Arguments

Woman:
- A woman has the last word in any argument.

Men:
- Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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Success

Men:
- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

Woman:
- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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Dressing Up

Woman:
- A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

Men:
- A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
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Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
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Friendship Between Woman:

A woman didn't come home one night.
The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship Between Men:

A man didn't come home one night.
The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
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Withdrawing Cash From An ATM

Men:
1 - Park the car
2 - Go to ATM
3 - Insert card
4 - Enter PIN
5 - Take money
6 - Drive away

Woman:
1 - Park the car
2 - Check makeup
3 - Turn off engine
4 - Check makeup
5 - Go to ATM
6 - Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7 - Insert card
8 - Hit cancel
9 - Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10 - Insert card
11 - Enter PIN
12 - Take cash
13 - Go to car
14 - Check makeup
15 - Start Car
16 - Stop car
17 - Run back 2 ATM
18 - Take ATM card
19 - Back 2 car
20 - Check makeup
21 - Start car
22 - Check makeup
23 - Drive for a mile
24 - Release HAND BRAKE

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Random Funny Difference Between Women And Men:


The Difference Between Women And Men When They're Talking About A Date:
Women:
Yesterday I had a date with Derp!
Really? Tell me more!
Men:
Yesterday I had a date with a chick.

Women:
First we went to a restaurant and blah blah blah
Men:
Did you bang her?

Women:
* After 2 hours.
And then we went to his place. So he gave me a drink and blah blah
Wooow!
Men:
Yeah ...

Women:
* After 3 hours.
Oh my god Derpina i'm so happy for you!
Thank you honey i'm sp excited!
Men:
Nice.

Men:
Have sex when they can.
Women:
Have sex when they want.

Men:
Marry when they want to marry.
Women:
Marry when they can.

Men forget everything; women remember everything.
That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.

Nicknames

Woman:
- If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

Men:
- If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.

Woman:

Dear God,
please send me a man
that is beautiful, caring,
romantic, loving, smart,
understanding, a man
passionate, who would
never cheat one me, always
gives me compliments
and never criticizes what
me and my friends do.
Thank you god!

Men:

Dear God,
BIG BOOBS!

Men vs Women On Holiday
Being pampered
Men:
Pampering means unlimited time to snooze, watch TV and maybe a book.
Women:
High priority holiday experience! He can watch the kids. Cocktails at the pool, as much possible Spa time, and breakfast in bed sounds good.

Woman:
Problem: No confidence - He'll ask me out
Problem: No money - He'll pay
Problem: No college plans - He'll doen't care
Problem: No friends - He doesn't even ask
Problem: Boring - It's expected of me
Problem: Obscure interests - He'll pretend to be interested
Problem: Quit - I just have to look good

Men:
Problem: No confidence - You're FUCKED!
Problem: No money - You're FUCKED!
Problem: No college plans - You're FUCKED!
Problem: No friends - You're FUCKED!
Problem: Boring - You're FUCKED!
Problem: Obscure interests - You're FUCKED!
Problem: Quit - You're FUCKED!

Money

Men:
- A Man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

Woman:
- A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but is on sale.

Men vs Women On Holiday
Keeping up with the online world
Men:
Does the hotel have WiFi? Even on holidays it's difficult to completely disengage from the outside world.
Women:
Generally very happy to leave the online world behind. Work? They'll cope.

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
When four or more women get together, they talk about men.