Funny Texts | Funny Difference Between Women And Men

Money

Men:
- A Man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

Woman:
- A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but is on sale.
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Bathrooms

Men:
- A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, shampoo, soap and a towel.

Woman:
- The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items
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Men vs Women On Holiday
Keeping up with the online world
Men:
Does the hotel have WiFi? Even on holidays it's difficult to completely disengage from the outside world.
Women:
Generally very happy to leave the online world behind. Work? They'll cope.
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Arguments

Woman:
- A woman has the last word in any argument.

Men:
- Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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Nicknames

Woman:
- If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

Men:
- If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.
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Success

Men:
- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

Woman:
- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
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Dressing Up

Woman:
- A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

Men:
- A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
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Friendship Between Woman:

A woman didn't come home one night.
The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship Between Men:

A man didn't come home one night.
The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
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Withdrawing Cash From An ATM

Men:
1 - Park the car
2 - Go to ATM
3 - Insert card
4 - Enter PIN
5 - Take money
6 - Drive away

Woman:
1 - Park the car
2 - Check makeup
3 - Turn off engine
4 - Check makeup
5 - Go to ATM
6 - Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7 - Insert card
8 - Hit cancel
9 - Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10 - Insert card
11 - Enter PIN
12 - Take cash
13 - Go to car
14 - Check makeup
15 - Start Car
16 - Stop car
17 - Run back 2 ATM
18 - Take ATM card
19 - Back 2 car
20 - Check makeup
21 - Start car
22 - Check makeup
23 - Drive for a mile
24 - Release HAND BRAKE

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Random Funny Difference Between Women And Men:


Men vs Women On Holiday
Keeping up with the online world
Men:
Does the hotel have WiFi? Even on holidays it's difficult to completely disengage from the outside world.
Women:
Generally very happy to leave the online world behind. Work? They'll cope.

Men:
Have sex when they can.
Women:
Have sex when they want.

Men:
Marry when they want to marry.
Women:
Marry when they can.

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

Her job is to Bitch...
Mine is to give he a reason!

Future

Woman:
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

Men:
- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

How to Impress a Woman

Compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....

How to Impress a Man

Show up naked
Bring beer

Thought of the Day

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Bathrooms

Men:
- A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, shampoo, soap and a towel.

Woman:
- The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items

Offspring

Woman:
- A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

Men:
- A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

The Woman's Dictionary

* Yes = No.
* No = Yes.
* Maybe = No.
* I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.
* We need = I want.
* It's your decision = My correct decision should be obvious by now.
* Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
* We need to talk = I need to complain.
* Sure go ahead = I don't want you to.
* I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron.
* This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
* I want new curtains = carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper.
* I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
* Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
* How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate.
* I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
* You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
* Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.

MENíS ENGLISH

1. I am hungry - I am hungry
2. I am sleepy - I am sleepy
3. I am tired - I am tired
4. Nice dress - Nice cleavage!
5. I love you - letís have sex now
6. I am bored - Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? - Iíd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? - Iíd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? - Iíd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? - Iíd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes donít go with that outfit - Iím gay