School Jokes: Funny Jokes About School

A group of students had a biology lab. As a part of this lab they were supposed to scrape some bacteria off their teeth with a toothpick and then examine it under the microscope. But this one girl had some problems identifying her bacteria and asked the professor what they were. "Those are sperm cells."

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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. A nun made a note and posted it on the apple tray: "Take only ONE……God is watching." Further along the line, at the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note: "Take all you want……God is watching the apples."

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It was the last day of school kids bring in candy stuff like that. And theses couple bring in a leaky box so the teacher takes a lick"Is it wine" no the kids say.ok I give up its a puppy miss.

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First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing,"! he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

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A teacher asks her class of 3rd graders to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. She calls on a small boy sitting in the front row. "I saw an air show. And it was very fascinating." "Good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate,' not 'fascinating.'" She then calls on a girl sitting off to the left. "I saw some monkeys. They were very fascinating." "Good, but I wanted you to use the world 'fascinate,' not 'fascinating.'" Billy's hand shoots up into the air and she calls on him. "Teacher, teacher! I got one!" "Go ahead, Billy." "My sister's shirt has ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fascinate."

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A teacher is preparing her class for a big exam tomorrow and she says "I will not except any excuses for skipping tomorrows exam." Except when a close relative dies or you break two limbs and are in Hospital..." A few more terrible things that can happen to a person are said. After the teacher has finished speaking the class clown puts up his hand and says "Miss, what happens if we give you the excuse that we are sexually exhausted?" After some sniggering the teacher replies "Well if suppose you will just have to use your other hand to write with."

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One day there was a boy who came home crying after school. His father asked him why he was crying. The boy responded, "Everyone at school is making fun of me and my brother." His father said, "Why?" The boy said, "Because of our names, why did you have to give us such bad names?" The father responds, "Because when your first brother was born I stepped out of the hut and saw two dogs shitting. Why do u ask two dogs fucking?"

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Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?" "A cat!" said Suzy. "Good job! Now, what's this animal?" "A dog!" said Ricky. "Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad." "A horny bastard!" called out Eddie.

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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family of seven) answered, "thou shall not kill."

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In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?" Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche." The teacher nodded and called on little Susie. Little Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette" The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon." The teacher said, "Why Johnny?" He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"

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Three third graders were walking down the street: a redhead, brunette and a blonde. Which one had the best figure? The blonde, she was 18!

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The Differences In Graduates: A graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" A graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" A graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much it cost?" A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

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Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking... surely I cannot look that old? You may enjoy this short story. While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "In 1971. Why?" "You were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely, and then the son of a bitch asked, "What did you teach?"

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In the Sex Ed class the teacher says, "All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making sex." The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, "Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?" Johnny says, "Seventy-three." The teacher says, "Oh, my goodness...uh...very good, John, very good..." She calls on Becky in the front and says, "All right, Becky, how about you?" Becky says, "Gee, teacher, I only came up with one...where the guy just lays on top of the girl." Johnny yells, "Seventy-four."

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One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises their hand. The teacher says, "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?" Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good Sally", the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up their hands. "See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?" Billy holds up his hand and says, "It is a zebra!" "Very good Billy", the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students holds up their hand. "See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?" Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father." Johnny shouts out, "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard!"

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A college professor was reminding her class of their final exam tomorrow. She said, "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, hospitalization, a deadly illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it! No other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass sitting in the back of the room raises his hand. He said, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class was reduced to laughter. When order restored, the professor smiled knowingly at the student and shook her head. She innocently replied, "Well, then I guess you'll just have to write with your other hand."

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One fine day in the middle of class at school, a girl raised her asking to be excused, "Teacher, can I answer the call of nature?" Knowing what the kid wanted, the teacher said okay. Immediately, the girl ran to the toilet. But, within a minute, she was back. Another girl was shocked by how she could actually take care of business so quickly, and asked how she managed to do it so fact. The girl responded, "It was a prank call."

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Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools

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Here is a teacher that is waiting for her students to arrive to school none of them arrive yet she still waiting for all twenty students ten minutes later 5 students arive the teacher says where were you? They say on top of the blue berry mountain. Another ten minutes later another five students came in the teacher says where were you? The students say on top of the blueberry mountain another ten minutes later another five students came in and the teacher says where were you and they say on top of the blueberry mountain then finally the last ten minutes later and the last five students come in and the teacher says where were you and the students say on top of the blueberry mountain then this naked woman comes in the class,and the teacher says I AM THE BLUEBERRY MOUNTAIN!

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For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?" Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

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What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Florida have in common? They both end up in trailer parks!

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More Funny Jokes About School:

A Lecturer Teaching Medicine Was Giving A Classroom Observation
Thier Was This Kid That Always Got Picked On At School
First-year Students At Med School Were Receiving Their First Anatomy Class With A Real Dead Human Body
Sick Notes These Are Real Notes Written By Parents In An Alabama School District
A Teacher Is Preparing Her Class For A Big Exam Tomorrow And She Says I Will Not Except Any Excuses For Skipping Tomorrows Exam
One Fine Day In The Middle Of Class At School A Girl Raised Her Asking To Be Excused
This Teacher Says To His Class And Says I Will Ask You A Question If You Get It Right I Will Let You Go Home
On The First Day Of College The Dean Addressed The Students
On The Last Day Of Kindergarten All The Children Brought Presents For Their Teacher
A Teacher Asks Her Class Of 3rd Graders To Use The Word Fascinate In A Sentence
All Right Class I Want You To Go Home And Come Back Tomorrow With As Many Positions As You Can Think Of For Making Sex
A Little Girl Was Failing Math
Here Is A Great Letter From MIT To A Prospective Student And That Students Response
Students Were Assigned To Read Two Books Titanic And My Life By Bill Clinton
One Day The Teacher Decides To Play An Animal Game
Three Third Graders Were Walking Down The Street
On The First Day Of College The Dean Gave A Speech About On-campus Rules
The National Poetry Contest Had Come Down To Two A Yale Graduate And A Redneck From Texas
A University Creative Writing Class Was Asked To Write A Concise Essay Containing These Four Elements Religion Royalty Sex And Mystery
A College Professor Was Reminding Her Class Of Their Final Exam Tomorrow
A Principal Of A Small Middle School Had A Problem With A Few Of The Older Girls Starting To Use Lipstick
The Children Were Lined Up In The Cafeteria Of A Catholic Elementary School For Lunch
Guess Why The Bog Eyed Teacher Is Getting Sacked
The Aspiring Psychiatrists Were Attending Their First Class On Emotional Extremes
An Autopsy Professor Was Giving An Introductory Lecture To A Class Of Students
A Teacher Asks Her Class If There Are 5 Birds Sitting On A Fence And You Shoot One Of Them How Many Will Be Left
A Lecturer Teaching Medicine Was Tutoring A Class On Observation
A Teacher Was Testing The Children In Her Sunday School Class To See If They Understood The Concept Of Getting To Heaven
A Pre-med Student At Washington University In St Louis
A Grade School Teacher Was Asking Students What Their Parents Did For A Living
An Engineering Student Is Walking On Campus One Day When Another Engineer Student Rides Up On A Shiny New Motorcycle
Have You Been Guilty Of Looking At Others Your Own Age And Thinking
According To A News Report A Certain Private School In Victoria BC Recently Was Faced With A Unique Problem
One Day There Was A Boy Who Came Home Crying After School
An Eccentric Philosophy Professor Gave A One Question Final Exam After A Semester Dealing With A Broad Array Of Topics
It Was The Last Day Of School Kids Bring In Candy Stuff Like That
On The First Day Of College The Dean Addressed The Students Pointing Out Some Of The Rules
The Differences In Graduates
Why Are Fish So Smart
One Year In A Strict School All The Teenagers Started Wearing Lip-stick In School
Students In Biology Were Taking Their Final Exam
After School Billy Sees Two Nuns Walking On The Street So He Says Hello
Here Is A Teacher That Is Waiting For Her Students To Arrive To School None Of Them Arrive Yet She Still Waiting For All Twenty Students
The Teacher Was Checking Her Student Roster
Three Third Graders Were Walking Down The Street A Redhead Brunette And A Blonde
A Group Of Students Had A Biology Lab
A Boy Goes To The Drug Store With His Dad
A Linguistics Professor Was Lecturing To His English Class One Day
One Day In School The Teacher Decides To Play 20 Questions
What Do Tornadoes And Graduates From The University Of Florida Have In Common