A Frenchman walks into a bar, smiles at the landlord and orders a glass of wine. The Frenchie looks about and sees a camel sitting at the bar as well. The Frenchie asks the landlord, "What is that dirty camel doing in here?" The Landlord pulls a cricket bat out from behind the bar hits the camel in the head and the camel gives the landlord oral pleasure. The Landlord looks at the Frenchie and says: "You want a go?". To which the Frenchie replies: "Oui, but there is no need to hit me over the head."
A drunken old man walked into a bar. He yells at the bartender, "Bartender get me a tequila!" The bartender gets him a tequila. The old man drinks it as fast as he can. Then he looks around the bar and sees three large men at a table having some beers. He points at one of them and says, "You! I have slept with your mother!" The man looks at the old man then goes about drinking his beer. Then the old man yells, "Bartender! Get me another tequila!" The bartender gets him another tequila. The old man drinks it as fast as he can. Then he looks over at the three men. He points at another man and shouts, "You! Your mother gives me a blow job!" The second man looks at the old man, then goes about drinking his beer. Then the old man yells, "Bartender! Get me another tequila!" This time the bartender says, "No, old man, you have had enough." "Just one more!" yells the old man. So the bartender gets him one more tequila. The old man drinks it as fast as he can. Then looks at the three men. He points at the third man and shouts, "You! I eat out your mother!" The third man looks at the old man then looks at the other two men. All three of them get up and start walking over to the old man. Then they say, "Come on dad, you have had too much to drink."
One day a Pirate and a bartender were talking to each other in a bar. The Bartender asked the pirate "Where did ya get that peg leg from?" The Pirate responded "We were sailing the seas when a big ol shark came up to me while I was swimmin and bit off me leg." Later the Bartender asked "Where did you get that hook then?" The pirate responded "Well, me crew and I were in a battle and it got cut through the bone." The bartender then asked "Then where did ya get the eye patch from?" The pirate said "In a harbor I looked at a gull flying over head and it took a dump right in me eye." The bartender was puzzled and asked the pirate, "How would that make you get an eye patch?" The pirate responded, "First day with the hook."
A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon. All the patrons gawked as the cowboy kissed his horse on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink. The bartender serves him and asks, "Mind if I ask why'd ya kiss your horse on the butt?" The cowboy says, "It's 'cause I got chapped lips." The bartender asks, "Does manure help them heal?" Cowboy replies, "No, but it keeps me from licking them."
A guy walks in and sits down at a bar. The side of his face is bruised and bleeding so the bartender asks, "What in the world happened to you, buddy?" The guy says "Oh, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and I called her a two-bit whore." "Yeah?" asks the bartender. "What did she do?" "She hit me with her bag of quarters!"