Nursery Crimes: Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie, kissed the girls and made them cry. When the boys came out to play, they didn't know that Georgie was gay. Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, was he pushed, or did he fall? I pushed him. Mary had a little lamb, she tied it to a pylon. 1000 volts went up its arse, and turned it in to nylon. Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool? Yes sir yes sir, two balls full!
Three guys were at the Pearly Gates when Peter answered. He said there was one space open for someone. He asked them how they died. "I came home one day and saw my wife in bed, naked. I looked all over the house and decided to check the balcony. I saw some fingers so I took a hammer and hit his fingers but a bush broke his fall so I took my fridge and threw it on him. But I felt so bad for killing a man that I killed myself." "I was painting on the 37th floor, when I slipped and fell. I was holding on to a balcony, when some guy hit me on the fingers with a hammer so I fell, and then dropped a fridge on me." "I was hiding innnocently in the fridge."
You so ugly, last time you got ass was when your toilet paper broke!
Steak and sex are two of my favorite things. I have them both the same way -- very rare.
I asked a Jew who he was going to vote for as president. He said, "Well, the last time Jews listened to a bush, they wandered in the desert for 40 years."