When you ask a dad if they got a haircut: "No, I got them all cut!"
Kid: "Hey, I was thinking..." Dad: "I thought I smelled something burning."
Yo daddy is so bald, when he wears a turtleneck he looks like a broken condom.
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
Grandpa: I have a 'dad bod', Dad: To me it's more like a father figure.