Good News Doctor Nick walks into his office to talk to a patient. He looks at the patient and says: "I have good news and bad news. Which would you like?" "The good news," the patient says. "Well, the good news is we're gonna name a disease after you."
Patient: "Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow." Doctor: "How do you feel?" Patient: "A little down in the mouth!"
Patient: "Doctor, I think I need glasses." Teller: "You certainly do! This is a bank."
A man goes to the doctor and shows him his penis. The doctor looks at it and sees its full of holes. The man says, "It's terrible, when I pee, it's like a watering can, it goes everywhere!" The doctor says, "I think you ought to go and see Mr Croft." "Is he a specialist penis doctor?" the man asks. "No he's a clarinet player, he'll show you how to hold it!"
Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor? Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown.