The funniest website!


Home / Funny jokes / Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes

This page contains 5 Funny Quotes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Funny Quotes first.

Actual Court Transcriptions: Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. Q: How old is your son-the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war? Q: Did he kill you? Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true? Q: How many times have you committed suicide? Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Good Bad

The bigger they are, the harder they hit. The book you spent $20.95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow. The business plan you prepare must be a lie; but it must be a detailed and precise lie rather than a vague and general lie. The business world worships mediocrity. Officially, we revere free enterprise, initiative, and individuality. Unofficially, we fear it. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication. The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to...to...uhh... The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet. The chaos in the universe always increases. The chief cause of problems is solutions. The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

Good Bad

The water-proof towel Glow in the dark sunglasses Solar powered flashlights Submarine screen doors A book on how to read Inflatable dart boards A dictionary index Powdered water Pedal powered wheel chairs Water proof tea bags Watermelon seed sorter Zero proof alchohol Reusable ice cubes See through tiolet tissue Skinless bananas Do it yourself roadmap Helicopter ejector seat

Good Bad

When there are too many policemen, there can be no liberty; When there are too many soldiers, there can be no peace; When there are too many lawyers, there can be no justice.? -- Lin Yutang Litigation is a machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage? -- Ambrose Bierce "A country man between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats? -- Benjamin Franklin Lawyers have been known to wrest from reluctant juries triumphant verdicts of acquittal for their clients, even when those clients, as often happens, were clearly and unmistakably innocent? -- Oscar Wilde In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls? -- Lenny Bruce I was never ruined but twice -- once when I lost a lawsuit, and once when I gained one? -- Voltaire

Good Bad

Famous Sayings As casar said, "let me mix that salad!" As Jack the Ripper's mother said to her son, "How come you never go out with the same girl twice?" As Moses said to God, "Let me see if I have it right-- the Arabs get the oil and we get the right to cut the tips off our WHAT?!" As Vincent Van Gogh said after he cut off his ear, "Don't Shout!" As George Washington said when he was crossing the Delaware, "I can't understand it. I paid for a seat!" As Jesse James said to his brother Frank, " We can't rob that bank. That's where we keep OUR money!"

Good Bad
 


Pages:
(1) 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Categories:
Animal Bad Bar Dumb Blonde Celebrity Cheesy Chicken Christmas Chuck Norris Clean Computer Corny Dad Doctor Dirty Donald Trump Fat For Kids Funny Riddles Funny quotes Little Johnny Gay Gender Good Halloween Knock knock Lawyer Lightbulb Jokes Military Puns Redneck Relationship Religious-jokes School Skeleton Yo mama Adult