If I wanted to hear from an asshole I would fart.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming, like the passengers in his car!
Why did God make farts smelly? So deaf people can enjoy them too!
A guy walks into a store and buys six jumbo boxes of condoms. The store clerk asks the man, "What do you do with all of those?" The guy replies, "I taught my dog to swallow them and now he shits in little plastic baggies!"
What do the Starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common? They both circle Uranus searching for Klingons.