Little Johnny goes into the bathroom and sees his mummy in the bath. "What's that mummy?" says Little Johnny, pointing between her legs. "That's where daddy hit me with an axe." "Bloody hell," says Little Johnny. "He must have got you right in the Carroll."
As Johnny Walked Upstairs He Heard A Noise Coming From His Mum And Dads Bedroom. He Went In And His Dad Though A Pillow At Him And Said: "Get Out!" Next Minute His Dad Heard A Noise Coming From Johnnys Room. He Walked In And Found Johnny And His Grandmother Shagging And Johnny Said: "It's Not Nice To Shag Ya Mum Is It?"
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?" "OK", said Little Johnny, "that could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" "Jeez", said the stranger, "I have no idea." "Well, then", said Little Johnny, "how is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling. She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today." The first student raised her hand to volunteer. "Marcy", the teacher said, "you may go first." Marcy replied, "My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny." The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?" Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie." "Very good", the teacher told Kevin. Jeff was next, and he said, "My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..." Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again. Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to go next. Johnny said, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell "accountant."
Little Johnny was visiting his grandparents. He was out on the porch when his grandpa pulled out a cigar. "Can I have one?" says little Johnny. "Son, can your cock touch your ass?" replies Grandpa. Confused, little Johnny replies, "No." "Then you're not old enough" says grandpa. Then grandpa pulls out some beer. "May I have a drink?" Asks Johnny. "Can your cock touch your ass?" Asks grandpa. "No" says Johnny. Johnny sadly goes into the house. He returns later with milk and cookies. Grandpa sees the cookies and asks for one. Johnny turns to grandpa and asks: "Grandpa, can your cock touch your ass?" Grandpa with a smug look on his face replies: "Why yes. Yes it can." Without missing a beat Johnny says: "Then go screw yourself, Grandma said these are mine!"