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Military Jokes

This page contains 5 Military Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Military Jokes first.

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? Their army!

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How to be Politically Correct when talking about Men (Or Army Men) He does not have a beer gut... He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.(regular guys) He has a personal war reserve stock. (army guys) He is not quiet... He is a Conversational Minimalist. He is a SAMS grad. He is not stupid... He suffers from Minimal Cranial Development. He is a field grade. He does not get lost all the time... He discovers Alternative Destinations. He gets temporarily misoriented. He is not balding... He is in Follicle Regression. He has a REALLY squared away high and tight. He is not a cradle robber... He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships. He is breaking the new fraternization policies. He does not get falling-down drunk... He becomes Accidentally Horizontal. He practices his IMTs in the club. He is not short... He is Anatomically Compact. He suffers from a Napoleon Complex. He does not have a rich daddy... He is a Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion. He has the Army as a hobby. He does not constantly talk about cars... He has a Vehicular Addiction. He must be a Transporter. He does not have a hot body... He is Physically Combustible. He is a PT stud. He is not unsophisticated... He is Socially Challenged. He is a Ranger. He does not eat like a pig... He suffers from Reverse Bulimia. He eats like a Ranger student at Pizza Hut. He is not a bad dancer... He is Overly Caucasian. He is from the Muddy Boots Army. He does not hog the blankets... He is Thermally Unappreciative. He is a Blue Falcon. He is not a male chauvinist pig... He has Swine Empathy. He must be combat arms. He is not afraid of commitment... He is Monogamously Challenged. He loves TDY.

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The unit engineer had just finished a talk on introducing mechanization in fatigue details. A sergeant reported thoughtfully: "Sir, I just discovered something that does the work of fifty men." "What is it?" the officer got interested. "Two hundred soldiers."

Good Bad

The soldiers are tired and lonely after spending weeks in enemy territory. To entertain them, the Major called for this sexy dancer from the nearby town. She came, danced and when the first dance was done, the soldiers went mad. They clapped for 5 minutes. For her second number, she stripped and danced in sheer bra and G string. This time the applause went for 10 minutes. The next number she danced topless, and this time the applause went on and on. The Major had to come on stage and ask them to quiet down for the grand finale. For her last number, she was to strip completely and dance naked. The Major expected the soldiers to make enough noise to bring the roof down. But ten minutes later, there is no clapping and the dancer comes backstage. The Major asks her, "What happened? How come there was no clapping this time?" She replied with a wicked smile, "Major, how do you expect those poor boys to clap with one hand?"

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Why are there so many trees along the streets of Paris? So the Germans can march in the shade.

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