Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound. Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball onto the green. The third guy got up and randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drain spout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly. Suddenly a very large bullfrog jumped up on a lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced right into the cup for a hole in one. Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your Dad."
After praying nonstop for eight years, God finally decided to grant a man three wishes. "I wish for the coolest cars in the universe." "Done." "I wish for the most luxurious mansion in the universe." "Done." "And I wish for the best woman in the world." So God sent him Mother Theresa!
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God?s work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop. A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop. A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
Three men go to a church and ask to be forgiven for their sins. The priest asks the first man what he did. The man replies, "I robbed a bank." The 2nd man tells the priest he killed a man. The priest says that is really bad and to go drink the holy water and he will be forgiven. The third man starts to laugh, so the priest asks him: "And what sin have you committed?" The third man replies, "I pissed in the holy water!"
Three guys went up to heaven, as they came to the gate St peter was there and said to them, "If you have done any sins you well go straight to hell or be punished some other way." So all the guys said, "Ok" Then St Peter said, "But since heaven is so big you have to have some kind of transportation on wheels." Then St Peter asked the first guy, "Have you ever cheated on your wife?" And the guy said, "Yes, but only 2." So he got a small compact car. St Peter asked the second guy, "Have you ever cheated on your wife?" And he said, "Yes but only once." So he got a small car but still bigger then the first guys car. Then St peter asked the last guy, "Have you ever cheated on your wife?" And he said, "No never!" So he got a huge giant classic car, and he drove off happy. The next day the first and second guy noticed that the guy with the big car was really upset, and they asked, "What's wrong?" And he said, "I was driving around in my car, and I saw my wife. She was on a skateboard!"