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One Liners

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'. So I went - and I got it.

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Before marriage, men would wander parking lots aimlessly because they had no one to point out the open spots.

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They say people couldn't have everything because they don't have enough space to put it, I say 'everything' includes a bag with infinite space so I can put everything in easily.

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Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone

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Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words.

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I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you.

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Love is like a machine... sometimes you need a good screw to fix it.

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My wife hired a fact checker for when we argue.

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I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.

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